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However, for our purposes, with the intermittent schedule, it appears that there is no rhyme or reason. After all, if they were the “bad guys,” they would not ever be nice. When the odd behaviors and inappropriate reactions strike, we must talk ourselves through the process of not reacting.(When applied by a behavior specialist, the ratios are quite specific.) If something “works,” we may repeat it with completely different results. We must believe that their oddities are not our faults.Conversely, if a behavior is being punished, it will occur with lesser frequency. In these instances, the definition of punishment is not conventional.
They make certain that we are unable to predict what’s in store.If they were always horrible, we would not stick around. However, very often, we want to work through the relationship, feel invested, and truly love the person we are trying so desperately to understand. We are left guessing, never knowing what we are going to get when they walk in the door or call. Likewise, if every time we acted in one particular way, the same response occurred, we would also tire of their dysfunction. That being said, we can promise ourselves not to let the issues progress further.We do not realize that there is a very real force at play, taking control over us. They may act or respond in ways we tend not to expect. We would then have expectations based on concrete information. We come to believe that if only we had done xyz, everything would have been right in the relationship. Abusive individuals make excuses, point fingers, and seem to enjoy the discomfort this brings. We are left guessing, feeling confused, and believing we are responsible for all of the problems related to the situation. We must not engage to the point where we become further wrapped in their dysfunction.The first rewards will come in the form of peace, once we are no longer governed by their intermittent reinforcement schedules.We can continually reinforce ourselves with the positive. I joined and began to get personal reinforcement from the articles and the members.